iSurvived Sam's Month of Pure Evil
by unicornsrock5
Summary: sequel to iTrap a Dork. Sam has a 3 page long list of names, filling out the front and back. Freddie's on it and so is the more than half of the Ridgeway High male population. This is Freddie's account of the horror his girlfriend reeks! Seddie!
1. Prologue

An: Alright channeling a teenage boy now. Okay scratching head **burp** man I'm hungry. Gah do I have to bathe. Wait I'm still channelling Sam, okay let's try this again. Channeling teenage boy with a neat freak for a mom. Uh, okay getting job today, being responsible, watching my brother, making pancakes for us. Getting dressed and looking presentable before entering public area. Okay I think I'm more Freddiesque now than before. To bad I don't have any homework to do. If that's not channeling Freddie than I don't know what is. WAIT I THINK I DO! I'll do it before I edit.

So as you all know this is a sequel to my story iTrap a Dork. So I want to thank everyone who encouraged me to write a sequel.

Thank you AvalonLight, cupcakeslam23, HookedonAvatar011, scifichick07, Player Zero, Basco57, and Sharkofthemist120. I'm pretty sure that's it, If there are more I'll be thanking you too.

This is dedicated to AvalonLight for waiting anxiously for me to add the last chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own it, if I did Spencer would have a girlfriend and I would play her. She would always wear light up heels. Hmmm. I have an idea for a fanfic... Any who if you recognize it from iCarly the website or TV show its not mine. I just wish Sam and Freddie as a couple was a reality that's all.

Prologue

I was just at my locker innocently putting my school books away thinking about Sam when I was suddenly ambushed by Shannon. She just kept yammering on and on and giggling and giving me this weird look. It had been going on for a while when I glanced at my watch. Sam would be there in less than a minute and I wasn't at her locker.

_I'm to young to die! I haven't even gotten to announce us as a couple yet! Instead I had to sit through watching Jeremiah flirt with her. Man I want to kiss her. She didn't let me yesterday she was still mad at me. Not my fault she looked hot. I mean she always looks hot its just she looked a different kind of hot. I wouldn't want her to dress like that all the time though._

"Freddie," Shannon's whiney voice penetrated my thoughts. "I just don't get why you won't talk to me, is it something I did? Freddie!" She seemed to catch sight of something over my shoulder. This whole time I had been backing up trying to get to Sam's locker in time.

"Freddie, Sam Puckett is giving me a death glare! Can't you control your friend!" _Sam's here! _I felt my face break out in a huge grin as I whirled around to look at my abrasive girlfriend. She had a hammer in her hand and she sure looked pissed. She shoved a fatcake in her pocket and stalked up to me full of anger.

The second she was directly in front of me I couldn't take it anymore I wrapped my arms around her waist and just kissed her. I meant it to be a chaste innocent sorta kiss but it turned into more. I pressed Sam against the locker and took away the hammer. It was full on hot and heavy, defiantly was gonna score me some mega points with the AV club! Shane had been getting all the girl points lately and I was a little sick of it. Before he showed up I was the man. Valerie had kissed me in the school hallway. Doesn't matter that she was using me a girl had kissed me.

The only thing ruining it was Shannon's whining voice. One of Sam's hands untangled themselves from my hair and then a second later returned. Shannon's voice stopped instantaneously. I guess Sam punched her._ Woah! Sam's legs are no longer on the floor, they are wrapped around me! _Right around then all cohesive thoughts failed me.

"Guy's your gonna get detention, and I think the wrestler's would like to get to there lockers." I was all set on ignoring Carly, I was incapable of thinking at that moment and I subconsciously knew she'd go away sooner than later. Sam however had other ideas.

"They can wait, they seem to always somehow magically forget my threats to let Freddie get to his locker." I turned my head to Carly, Sam's mouth no longer being attached to mine seemed to help the cohesive thoughts form.

"What's another week of detention anyway?" I turned my head back to Sam and resumed kissing. Like I had stated I didn't care if I got detention and the wrestler's deserved to wait.

"Alrighty then, I'll just be getting to class, see you guys in English."

"Fredward Benson! Samantha Puckett!" Ms. Briggs voice managed to cut through the fog in my head Sam was creating rather quickly. Sam's legs instantly went back on the ground as I let go and took a jump back. I was startled, okay. Kissing Sam makes me forget things, like the fact that I'm in a crowded school hallway. "You two know the rules about kissing in the hallways! Detention for a week since you two seem suddenly unable to control your teenage hormones! I don't see why this is suddenly a problem for you two, in all the years I've known you, you've never let them get the better of you in school!"

Ms. Briggs shook her head and continued on her way. Seems Carly wasn't the only one to notice how much we'd work before either me or Sam did. I picked up Sam's hammer and handed it back to her before I shut my locker. Sam's face was just so adorable when she had her hammer safely back in her hand I couldn't resist linking pinkies with her. It just felt so right. I kinda felt that if there was to much contact the hammer would be back on the floor even quicker than it was before.

"Here, your expected to not communicate with any of the boys on this list for the next month starting tomorrow. You have today to let them know." Sam handed me the list she had made yesterday. As I glanced over the names I noticed one name in particular that stuck out to me.

"I can't talk to myself?" She rolled her eyes and swung our linked hands as we headed to English. _I guess Sam's Month of Pure Evil will be started tomorrow. God I hope I survive._

An: I think it was pretty darn Freddie. I even went and got a job application before trying to write it. I chose water instead of Soda at lunch, plus, I made sure my brother got some exercise. I was defiantly channeling someone besides Sam if it wasn't Freddie. I tried my hardest and I like the end result. You guys are uber lucky I have a genius idea for Sam's first act of evil. He he. Review and I'll tell you before I finish writing the chapter!

Review please!


	2. iBecome Half of the Linked Pinky Couple

An: Yay! I'm a hit! 11 reviews for my first chapter alone! I bet it's cause I bribed people. Well I'll thank the lovely reviewers in a second. Wait if you review I'll tell you something I'm gonna put in a future chapter. You never know when it'll pop up! Maybe I'll tell you two things! That's right if I get 7 reviews every one gets to know 2 things! I'm bribing you and I'm not ashamed.

First maybe I should change out of my pleather leggings and poofy white polka dotted black dress with a red belt to write this. I don't think it's a very Freddie outfit. Especially with the girly jewelry. If only I had footy pajama's I'd be able to channel poor sheltered Freddie and his existence with his over protective mother. Where's my statistics homework? I'm sure just looking at it will help! Hmmmm. It appears I'm channeling Sam because I feel way to lazy to do that. This maybe a problem. I'll just watch an iCarly episode and get right back to this. First I'll thank my reviewers!

Thank you cupcakeslam23, scifichick07, angels. 02. music, Basco57, TwilightAddict111, musicfreak291, Sharkofthemist120, Dreams-of-Oompa-Loompas, (Hi, you're a new reader! Yay!) icarly fan 0967, Player Zero, and nichelle.

Oh and nichelle-(If you read iTrap A Dork it says that he is number one on her list of guys to hurt. Her list is 3 pages long, Freddie never knows with Sam so I think he's just running it by her. Boy's are weird what I think is common sense they don't. **Shrugs shoulders**)

Sorry about the really long an.

Disclaimer: I own a headband that is the same shape as Sam's awesome rainbow rickety rack headband. Only that's about as close as I come to owning anything iCarly so Dan Schneider, Nickelodeon, and Viacon own it. If I missed someone sorry. However if they want to take a page from my book and make Seddie happen, who am I to say no?

Chapter 1 iBecome Half of the Linked Pinky Couple

Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing! The bell rang signaling the end of school. I had 10 seconds to get to Sam's locker if I didn't want to be maimed. Distracting her with a kiss would only work once. I made it there right as Sam turned the corner._ Phew!_

"Ready for detention, Frederly." Ah her petnames for me were so endearing. It took me 5 year's to figure out this was her way of saying something like baby, or sweetie.

"I just need to stop by my locker first. You didn't leave me much time to go there after class. When you go to class you take at least a minute to get to your locker but when you skip class you make it in about 10 seconds." I blushed, maybe telling her I had studied her schedule was a bad idea. She tended to be violent when I did that to Carly.

"Good job, learning my schedule and obeying my commands is a great start to us. Here hold this" The whole time she was talking she had been rummaging through her locker. She handed me a plastic grocery bag that she had pulled out.

"What's this?" I asked as she shut her locker.

"Oh just ingredients for brownies and cookies. Can I look in your mom's recipe box when we get to Carly's?" She hooked our pinkies together and pulled me in the direction of my locker. All day she had been hooking pinkies, seemed like it was her new favorite thing. I wouldn't mind holding hands but when I tried she bit me. So I guess were the linked pinkies couple now.

"Of course, wait your baking and your using my mom's recipes?" This had me confused. Sam hated my mom's cooking! She always was the first to rip on my mom's baking too.

"I'll let you know when we walk home from detention. Let's just say it's for my big entrance into Sam's Month of Pure Evil. I devised a plan during Math that will make it so every, single boy on my list will get hit! Not physically but metaphorically. It's my way of marking you are screwed in a fun and possibly painful way." Sam meant fun for her and painful for the recipients. "If you help I'll spare you."

"Didn't you have a test in math?" We had reached my locker and I had to pry my pinkie out of Sam's to get my books. She just smiled in a sort of maniacal way with her head tilted as I attempted to do this.

"Yeah, but when it's multiple choice and you fill in the bubbles in a pretty pattern it only takes a minute. The rest of the time can be spent on a more useful activity." I shook my head and couldn't help but smile. Sam might be a nutcase but she always looked so cute when she was mischievous or talked about important things in a flippant way. "You never said if you'd help or not."

"Oh I didn't know I'd get a choice. Normally I wind up helping because you make me."

"We are in a relationship now. I feel it's important that you feel you have an equal say in things." I raised my eyebrows. The keyword in her sentence was feel. We both knew I didn't have any say. I just had the illusion of choices. She then stated with a look of complete innocence, "So are you gonna help?"

"Of course I am." I said before I could process that look. _Uh-oh, I see that maniac look in her eye! _"I mean I'll decide when I know what it is you'd need me to do."

"To late, already said you would." I groaned and hit my head with my palm as she shut my locker and grabbed my arm. Apparently I was done according to Sam.

"What if I needed something!"

"Not my problem." We continued to bicker as we made our way to detention. Detention was pretty boring. I did my homework while making Sam giggle. _She's so cute when she giggles. She actually seems to be innocent. Like really innocent not that fake innocent she does to make me do stuff for her. _She can rant all she likes about her reputation. If I have an opportunity to make Sam giggle I will seize it! That's the one thing that she can never beat out of me. Oh and don't worry she has tried, but I think she's figured out that's the only thing I'll really fight back on. She can break my nose but she can't break my spirit!

Finally detention was over and I was going to hear all about her devious plan. I was very reluctant to participate but I really wanted to know what it was. Whatever it was would be major. I mean she's pranking every single name on her list in one blow! Talk about hitting 2 birds with one stone, well in this case, more birds than Sam has the patience or attention span to count up to with one stone.

"Are you going to tell me now?"

"Nah."

"Sam! You said you would!" "Well I say I'll do plenty of thing's that I never do. I mean I told my mom I'd clean my room 3 years ago and I still haven't. I told my 3rd grade teacher I'd bring in the diorama but I never did. I told-"

"I get the point, you like disappointing people." Okay I was pouting, but I really wanted to know what Sam was going to do and she wasn't telling me. I had to help and she wouldn't let me know ahead of time so that I could come to terms with whatever illegal or rule breaking activity I'd be doing.

"Fine Mr. Pouty-Pants I'll tell you." She had the gall to laugh at my pout. I don't think it was that funny. "I'm baking brownies and cookies for every boy on my list. Tomorrow right before lunch each boy will open his locker to find a baked good in it. I'll be using my special ingredient. Now by the time the last bell rings for school to let out each locker will have a note taped to it saying: Nobody has the right to ogle or mess with Sam! Even Fredwina Benson AKA Freddie Benson!"

"So your baking them cookies and brownies, being mindful of their allergies," I put two and two together, even though I had no allergies my mom sure as hell baked like I did, "And leaving them a note. That's your big bang to start the Sam's Month of Pure Evil? Wait a second, what's the secret ingredient?"

"Laxatives." That smile was just so proud and demonic, I couldn't help but kiss her. Let's just say we took a little longer to get to Carly's after that. We stayed up half the night baking and printing out notes.

Even though I helped her bake and printed out and cut up each note that wasn't what Sam constituted me helping. She wanted me to cut class and help her put both the baked goods in the lockers and the notes on them! So the next day at school I found myself doing just that. Given the choice between eating a brownie and cutting class. I found myself very willing to break both school policy and the law.

Sam was so proud of herself. You should have seen the school hallways. After lunch right before the next class started a large portion of the male population of Ridgeway needed to use the bathroom for the same reasons. As every boy tried to shove there way into the bathroom Sam smirked and motioned for me to start taping the notes. If I was fast I'd make it to my last 2 classes!

I didn't see Sam again until I met her by her locker after school. We took a quick tour around school, (Today she let me hold her whole hand!) as we walked the hallways the look of horror was rather awe-inspiring. To think one small girl could strike fear into the hearts of so many people in just one day.

I had always felt she was rather devious but this, this was just wow. I really had to give her credit though. I mean I couldn't think of anyone else who could pull this off without getting in trouble with the authorities. I sometimes think they don't even bother to try to control her. If there's someone to get caught doing something bad with it's Sam.

"Sam, remind me to never underestimate you."

"Sam's Month of Pure Evil has begun!" With that she dragged me into the janitors closet and then proceeded to help me gain more AV club points. Another bright side is when we were late for detention the teacher didn't even bother to give us a Saturday or even more detention. I guess he can sense the start of a rather stressful month for the teachers.

An: Tehehe. I changed into a sweat shirt and flannel pants before I wrote this. I think I managed to portray a convincing Freddie yet again. It was difficult though. I'm gonna run an idea by you guys. When would you say to me writing the whole day in Sam's POV for the next chapter? If I do that for the rest of the story I'll just put Freddie's POV of the day and Sam's POV of the day in the same chapter.

Review and I'll tell you something I'm gonna put in a future chapter. You'll never know when it'll pop up! Even better idea! If I get 7 I'll tell you two things! That's right everyone who reviews will get to know 2 things! Take up the offer, you know you want too!

REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!

Please?


	3. iThink About Spinach Pie

AN: My Jaw just hit the floor. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! 24 reviews! My heart is filled with so much love for you! Thank you everyone.

Thank you what lurks beneath, Sharkofthemist120, razor8585, purple people eater 69, musicfreak291, HookedOnAvatar011, Player Zero, TwilightAddict111, Basco57, MiMiShiku, scifichick07, cupcakeslam23, and angels. 02. music.

I dedicate this chapter to Basco57 whenever she reviews she points out something that makes her laugh in my chapters. this time she pointed out 5 things. Basco, you're an awesome reviewer and an awesome writer! I suggest you read her stories if you liked mine. Her's are really funny! I literally lol in public places like the school library when reading them!

disclaimer: Only thing I own is that Spinach Pie recipe of Mrs. B's (I suggest you don't use it, it wouldn't be yummy.) YAY! I own something in my story! However anything you recognize from the TV Show or website iCarly I don't own so darn it! But If people who do own it are reading this I WOULD LOVE TO WRITE PROFESSIONALLY FOR ICARLY! COUGH NO I WILL NOT PUSH SEDDIE IF YOU ASK ME TO WRITE FOR THE SHOW! COUGH! I'm not a lier!

Chapter 2 iThink About Spinach Pie

As I look back on Sam's Month of Pure Evil Week 1. I think of all the therapy those kids must have gone through the next 3 weeks. Just so you know I suffered too! Didn't matter that I was her Freddikins or Fredstudd (I should probably let you know that Freddikins was for cuddling and Fredstudd was for making out. They were only used in private. In public she was ever so endearing with Frederly, Fredilina, Fredwardo, Fredweirdo, Fredwad, Fredrica (emotional pain right there), Fredward, Fredison, or Fredqueer if she was particularly feisty that day.) You all know what went down the first day.

Day 2 when one of the guys would spot her they would gulp and start to shake. She spent her time before lunch randomly running into classrooms and pansting them. During lunch she of course ate, only difference, she was stealing a portion of every boy on her lists lunch. Damn that girl sure can eat. After lunch she would randomly run into classrooms and distribute wedgies. Then in between classes she spent it in Sam's Swirlie Stall. I know your thinking this is what she does everyday big deal. Well after each individual event she would draw on your forehead a red dot with permanent marker. I was her first victim before class could start I had 3 red lipstick dots on my forehead. Said she couldn't let her slave go around looking like a bigger dork than normal.

Day 3 only the strongest didn't break out crying when they saw Sam. She had me set up remote controlled tripping devices all over the school. Through out the day no matter were she was she was able to trip someone. Sam spent the day by the stairs. Today I wasn't tripped. Turns out if I help her out I don't get hurt but if I don't I get hurt. So it's get detention for doing what Sam does or get hurt. I pick detention.

Day 4 every boy on her list broke out crying and would run away at the sight of her. It was a Friday, a weird day, she didn't even bother to try anything. I should have known better than to relax. Turns out she was just waiting until the opportune moment. She chose her power over the iCarly fans as her weapon. That night she announced that the list of email addresses soon to be posted on the website wanted a picture of the grossest wart you could find sent to them.

Guess what everyone! That list was really freaking long. I know because I typed it up and posted it. It took me until 1 AM to finish. Stupid Sam controlling me! I was given an option of pictures of warts or "helping" her. I did all the work for her stupid prank while she reaped the benefits. However it's safe to say every boy on that list now has about a million emails of warts and I don't have any so, I guess I got off lightly.

Before I logged of my computer I checked my email. Sam sent me an email with a video link, her order was to forward it to every one on the list. The video was her laughing in a really scary way for like 5 minutes. If that didn't scare them I don't know what will. After finishing Sam's last command I tried to go to sleep.

I was laying there at 1 AM thinking about how horrible my mother's attempt at spinach pie was. I don't know why I just was okay! I also think I was about to fall asleep. _She makes it with this cardboard tasting crust because she doesn't use salt and just spinach leaves for the filling. No cheese or anything! It's so sad, I don't know why I eat it. Sam probably would, Sam eats anything. She's so pretty and hungry all the time. I hope she never eats me._

"GAAAAHHHH!!!!!!" Sam was in my bedroom. In fact she was sitting on top of me eating string cheese at 1 in the morning like it was no big deal. Sometimes I really wonder what goes on in that girls head!

"Hey Freddikins!" _She's being affectionate! _"What's up?"

_How cute is her fake innocent smile! Wait her fake innocent smile! Uh-oh._

"I know what's up, don't answer it's okay. Just lay there, look cute and listen."_ She called me cute! No, stop! Focus Freddie focus! Keep your eye on the prize._

"Sam, it is 1 in the morning what are you doing eating string cheese on top of me in my room! Wait, how'd you even get in here!?"

"Freddorkalot that's not listening, that's talking, if you listen I'll tell you. If you talk I'll make you cry." _Freddorkalot that's a new one. _I nodded to show I'd listen. "Good boyfriend! I couldn't sleep I was at Carly's. I decided that since I can't sleep neither can you!"

"Sam there is no logic to that statement."

"Yes there is."

"Maybe in that adorable nutcase of a head of yours, but in real world no, there isn't." She hit me extremely hard with a bat she magically produced. "Ow!"

"Yes, there is."

"Were'd the bad come from?"

"Your closet." I sighed. Of course it was my Sam keep your distance bat. Ironic how Sam was now using it to ensure that she could keep the distance at a minimum. _Hmmm. Keeping the distance at the minimum. _I must have had a look on my face that gave my thoughts away.

"No Freddikins. Did I call you Fredstud? No. This means there will be no making out for you tonight." My face fell. "We are going out to find me some Peeps. I've been craving there sugary marshmallowy goodness all day!"

With that we went to the nearest all night market (10 blocks away), bought Sam some Peeps (at least 3 bags full), and walked back to my house, and snuck back in. Oh the joy of having a constantly hungry, aggressive, blonde girlfriend. She did this to me all weekend. I'd be about to fall asleep and she'd demand something and I'd have to go get it. Didn't matter were we were or what we were doing. I could be at Carly's or at home or mid make out session, I'd have to drop it to feed her if we didn't have it currently were we where.

When Monday rolled around I was so tired I got a B on my test. It was sad. Sam didn't take a break from revenge ever. No one is ever spared either. You ogle her and you pay the price. My B is not part of my Master Plan! (Neither is Sam but that's something I was willing to add in) Her devious mind was attractive but so, so, so very evil.

AN: I'm tired and what I had thought up disappeared on me. I want to crawl into a ball and cry. I had written 2 whole pages of genius and it just disappeared! Sorry if this is suckish. I'm gonna possibly go to bed now. Tell me what you think. I promise a tidbit if you review. Bribing works so from now on with every review you get a tidbit! Night everyone, please review. Today was a looooooooong day! Oh and on the Sam POV front. I'm just gonna write a one shot in Sam's POV when I'm done with this story to explain what is going on in Sam's head at her oddest moments. Btdubbs I claim Pete from iMake Sam Girlier! Sam get's Freddie I get Pete, it's a win win!

I'm Outtie!

unicornsrock5


	4. iSteal Underwear

An: Sorry for taking so long to update. It's just I've had writers block and ugh! I'm hungry great! I seem to be channeling Sam lately in my attempt to come up with a great prank. It's not working. I'm gonna go get something to eat. Sorry. Yum chocolate yogurt! So I went for a walk just now. Instead of writing. But its good I did because when I got back home I turned on the TV & iCarly was on. I was inspired during the scene in iOwe You when Freddie tells Sam the Principle is looking for her. hehe good scene.

Time to thank the reviewers! Chuckles hehe 32 reviews thats an average of more than 10 reviews perstory! So on that note. Thank you cupcakeslam23, TwilightAddict111, angels. 02. music, Player Zero, SaveTheDinosaurs14, scifichick07, Monkey D. Conan, and Basco57.

disclaimer: Seriously? Do you really think that I a teenage girl who has taken up the habits of one of the main characters is actually Dan Schneider? If you do you need your head checked pronto!

Chapter 3 iSteal Underwear

Good lord I have a crazy psycho for a girlfriend. Only Sam would over react when it comes to boys checking her out! Any other girl wouldn't care! They'd just blush and say thank you when someone says they look nice. Not write their name down on a list and glare! Seriously, every chance she gets to flip any of those guys over she does!

It's Week 2 now and Sam's just started. I don't know how much more the boys can take and there's so many of them! Carly decided she was going to take each boy on the list aside and recommend a few good therapists she's looked up. She finished on Wednesday and she started on Monday! But then again Carly had that thing called class to attend (unlike Sam and me for at least half of each day.)

Lets take you back to Monday. Sam walks into school with her customary hammer in hand and list of names. I'm waiting by her locker this morning with a cupcake instead of the usual bagel. She gets really irriated Monday mornings, I find cupcakes really help with her aggression directed towards me. _Sam sure is cute, hmm I wonder if she'd mind if I gave her a nickname? It couldn't be anything to cutesy thats just asking for a beating, but it can't seem like I'm calling her a guy. I'll have to contemplate this one._

When I had reached this conclusion Sam had finally reached her locker. I leaned down to kiss her but instead of letting me she pushed me back "NO! I will not get all makey-outy-smoochy-smoochy with you this morning! We have things to accomplish! Yay a cupcake!" She grabbed the cupcake from my hands and practically shoved the whole thing in her mouth.

I raised my eyebrow and leaned against the door of her locker after she shut it. "So what are this big plans?"

"I'm nok kellin mu." She swallowed the last of her cupcake. "Got anymore?"

"At home, I can bring some over to Carly's after school, and why won't you tell me? You're gonna need my help."

She than did the most surprising thing ever. She kissed me smack dab on the lips in front of everyone at school, she didn't even call me a dork before or any sort of variation on my name. "Freddikins! You are trainable! Carly was wrong, boys are like dogs! I didn't even have to give you an option you volunteered!"

_She called me Freddikins in public! Holy Cow! Wait, what I missed that, Why is she talking about dogs? _I stood there grinning like an idiot for a second before shaking out of it. "So you gonna tell me now?"

"Well I'm gonna need you to get me access to the loud speaker."

"Easy, why?"

"I'm going to make an announcement during 1st period."

"Thanks for letting me know when, but seriously why?"

"An announcement."

"Great, still doesn't let me know why."

She let out a loud overly dramatic sigh "Part of the revenge plan. It involves a new nick name I want every one to call me, actually, its more a title of respect."

"Your not gonna tell me what that is are you?"

"No."

"Well I'm gonna go check in with my first period teacher then ask to go to the bathroom to come help you. I shouldn't be more than 15 minutes. Kay?"

"Got it, see you soon."

Now normally I would let you _how_ I did, _what_ I did to get Sam were she wanted to be. However if I did, I would be in so much trouble and they would make it so I couldn't do it again. You never know when you need to break into the principles office. I was in position to help Sam when I heard her voice over the loud speaker.

"Now by now I'm sure everyone on The List knows they're on it. So I've decided that I deserve a title of respect. Everyone on The List has to call me by it no matter what. Even you Dork." _Aw she mentioned me over the loudspeakers. _"Oh and thanks for helping me out. Anyway you all are to call me Her Supreme Galactic Ruler Of The Universe And All Things Beyond And Ham."

"Abbreviations are not allowed and if you mess it up you get wedgied, pants, and flipped in that order. After you have addressed me as Her Supreme Galactic Ruler Of The Universe And All Things Beyond And Ham you are to bow and call me the prettiest girl in the world. Thank you have a horrible day to those on my list and eh to those not. OH! HEY CARLY!"

I know, long title of respect. After lunch she put cherry bombs in all the toilets in the boys bathroom except one (only boys not on the list were allowed to use it.) I was able to attend a full day of classes! On the downside I got a B, I might have mentioned this before.

That was just Monday. On Tuesday, she stole everyones wallets! She said she needed to replenish her supply of cash to buy more supplies. You know what she used it for, she bought gum, tacks, cottage cheese, girl clothes, a paintball gun, and paint pellets. Now she used half of the items on Wednesday, but since this is about what happened on Tuesday I won't tell you just yet.

I was forced to cut school today, again. I had to help her place tacks on kids seats in the lunchroom and chew gum to put in there locker handle. I have to say cutting was worth it again, my butt is puncture wound free and my locker doesn't have used gum on the handle. Your all thinking thats all she did? This is the great Sam Puckett capable of making more boys than she can count have to use the bathroom at the same time!

Don't be disappointed, it's just that those activities where very time consuming. You'd be surprised how effective they were too. It's really the little things that make them cry. I should know she's always doing little things to me. Besides she could only really do that during class. In between class and through out lunch she brought out the paintball gun. It's amazing how fast she can move. She'd have that thing hidden before a teacher even started to turn and look at her.

Now Wednesday is Sam's most hated day. I bring her Ham in the morning. I guess she wasn't above a makey-outey-smoochy-smoochy kiss because the second she saw the Ham we both seemed to forget we were in school. (What now Shane? Who's the ladies man now! Um... never mind. He has had 8 girlfriends compared to my 2. But I don't want a new one right now. I'm happy. So I guess I'll just be stuck in second place for a while.)

Carly interrupted us by rudely tearing Sam off my face. "Why is your list so long! You couldn't let a few look!"

"At least your allowed to talk to them! Half the guys on the list are my friends!" I couldn't help but interject. I was a little miffed about that still. Although if Sam keeps kissing me like that I don't think I'd be miffed any more.

"Fredstudd! You forgot to call me by my title!" she said as she hit me.

"Her Supreme Galactic Ruler Of The Universe And All Things Beyond And Ham" I bowed, "I really do think your the prettiest girl in the universe, extra terrestrials included."

Carly rolled her eyes while Sam just punched my arm affectionately (okay violently, but from her that means affectionately) and took the ham. I really did mean it too I wasn't just saying it cause I was supposed too. She's just so lovely when she's got ham.

We started to walk to English when Sam stopped me and said, "I have more plans today."

"Let me guess it involves girl clothes and cottage cheese."

"Why yes, yes it does. It takes place in the boys locker room."

"Are we putting that thing in the showers to tint people blue too?" (AN: Gotta give credit to Basco57, in her story Sam pranks Freddie by putting something in his shower head that turns Freddie blue, soooooo funny!)

"Aw! I knew I forgot something!" She hit my forehead instead of hers "Well we'll just have to do that tomorrow. No, we're avoiding the showers today. We're stealing clothes when the boys are in the shower"

"And replacing the clothes with girls clothes and cottage cheese?"

"Half right, we're replacing their deodorant with the cottage cheese when they're in gym."

"Taking pictures afterwards?"

"Of course!"

So I spent my day in the boys locker room while Carly finished up recommending therapists. Sam took pictures through out the day as I hid. She helped with the deodorant and came by to take the clothes of my hands. When I emerged from the boys locker room at the end of the day. I saw underwear. I'm not kidding. Sam had strung up there underwear throughout the hallways and labeled them. I was never more glad in my life to be allowed to assist as way of penance. If my bacterial underwear had adorned the hallways in such a way I would never live it down.

When I got to the stairs, I saw Sam sitting on top of a pile of boys clothing casually eating beef jerky wearing a tiara. There was a rather long and big banner above her tiara adorned head saying: Her Supreme Galactic Ruler Of The Universe And All Things Beyond And Ham will not be messed with! A smaller sign directly below it, almost unnoticeable simply said "I 3 U Dork, Thanks" in really small print.

An: I couldn't resist that little bit of Seddie at the end. It made me go aaawww! Sam's getting more comfortable with her relationship in public, isn't that cute! I have to say that I really out did myself with the Her Supreme Galactic Ruler Of The Universe And All Things Beyond And Ham thing. I'm proud. I know it took forever for me to finish but aren't you happy with the final product?

Review and you'll get some more tidbits! Please review, please review, please review! I promise next chapter will be up sooner!

I'm Outtie!

unicornsrock5

p.s. I'm going to 2 proms! I'm going to 2 proms! I'm going to 2 proms! (That was just sung) I get to wear my pretty dress 2 times! YAY!


	5. iCreate Terrifying Tormented Terrible Th

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.

Chapter 5: Terrifying Tormented Terrible Thursday

Oh I'm up to Terrifying Tormented Terrible Thursday now aren't I. Well so week 2 Thurday was the very worst day of the whole month. Sam, who is normally in a good mood when she pulls pranks, was in an incredibly viscous one on Terrifying Tormented Terrible Thursday. It started off all right (for her) but it went down hill from there.

Sam walked into school and a chant of "Her Supreme Galatic Ruler Of The Universe And All Things Beyond And Ham," rang out, the group of tortured teenage boys bowed, "Your the prettiest girl in the world." She smirked before hopping up on top of a couple boxes that I had set up this morning for some odd reason. I didn't know at that point but I was going to regret it. Those boxes stayed there for the following month, the janiters didn't see the point in moving them when more might appear the next day.

"Every one I would like to make an announcement to the general public. Not just my subjects. The other day I over heard some members of the AV club call Freddie Benson aka Fredwina, Fredwardo, Fredderly, excetera excetera, Fredwhipped. I laughed, I found it entertaining. So I'd appretiate it if you would call him Fredwhipped from now on."

She hopped of her pedastal and patted my head. At that moment I was extremely mad, now telling the whole school to call me Fredwhipped I could handle. That pat on the head that seemed to say "Good boy, you didn't over react" like I was some dog made me mad. In fact, I was livid!

"Sam!"

Thwack!

"You mean Her Supreme Galatic Ruler Of The Universe And All Things Beyond And Ham!"

"No I mean Sam!"

Thwack!

"Bad boy!" Thwack! "No" Thwack! "You." Thwack! "Don't" Thump!

"I am not a dog! And no I don't!" I grabbed her hands before she could hit me again. Big mistake, her legs are more powerful.

Thud! Wham! "Ow" Thump! Thud! Wham! "Aw, butter!"

"Her Supreme Galatic Ruler Of The Universe And All Things Beyond And Ham, Fredwhipped!" Her fierce glare sent shivers down my spine.

"Jezz! Chill out!" Kapow! "FINE! Her Supreme Galatic Ruler Of The Universe And All Things Beyond And Ham"

"You can let go of my hands now." I raised my eyebrows at her. "You'll be late to class if you don't"

"I'd be late to class either way. At least this way you can't hit me."

"Now, Freddikins you can trust me." Sam said in a sweet innocent voice as she tilted her head towards me.

"No I can't and you know it. Kissing me isn't gonna change my mind. Besides I know your-"

"Freddie! Don't even think about it." She was giving me that look, that I'm warning you look.

"Your absolutely defensless when I kiss you on your neck." I never listen to her warnings anyway.

"GAAAHHHHH!" She summoned her super human strength and pulled out of my grasp. Lets just say that I had to go to the nurses afterwards. I don't think I could take you laughing at me. She already does that enough.

Now its just my luck that one of the AV club guys was in the nurses office with me. (Stanley gets bloody noses at random intervals.) When the nurse stepped out to get more bandages he might have talked about the AV club point system. I might have told him how many points I have now. I swear I didn't tell him how I got them! Just the total. And you know turns out Sam was waiting outside the nurses office for me.

Don't ask me, I don't get her either. One minute she's sending me to the nurses next minute she's concerned about my blood loss. That girl is just confusing. Any way so she was out there. Listening. To every word. Her concern instantly turned to blind rage. She unleashed it on her poor poor victoms already emotionally scarred for life. Her wrath was great but it got worse.

Later that day she over heard me talking to Carly. I was just like "I don't get whats so bad. It's not like I told him what we actually did."

"I think its because the AV club Girl Point System is based off of purely sexual things. It's demeaning to women and makes it seem like girls are there purely for sex."

"Oh."

"See."

"I'm just glad she didn't over hear me talking about our date. That would be awful. I know we only went on one before me and Sam got together. But she'd over react."

"I think she'd be fine with it. She wouldn't mind. Seriously its not like anything happened."

"No, that's not why she'd be mad. She'd be mad because-"

"Why would I be mad Fredqueer, care to enlighten me." I swear at that moment I stopped breathing. She was royaly pissed and I was dead meat.

AN: Aren't you happy you waited. Now next chapter will be updated soon. sorry its so short and that I didn't get to edit it. I will later I promise. I gotta go now. so review I love you all and there is more to come.


	6. iPlan A Grand Finale

An: okay long time I know but its cool right? I apologize. I've just been to two prom weekends and I've got graduation coming up. I'm a busy girl. (BTW side note here. I am such a pimp, Boyfriend, prom date 1(Sarah) and prom date 2(James). That's right. I know be jealous) I just broke my now exboyfriends heart so that's been distracting me. I still have to give his flash drive and sweater back. Didn't help much that after a week of trying to talk to him in person so that I could break up with him, he didn't even bother to you know show me what he was really thinking. So I'm not sure if he's upset or not... Gah I'm just gonna dive into this and distract myself! Starting now!

Disclaimer: Nope don't own it never will. Dan Schneider is a grown man with a wife. I'm sitting in New Jersey at my school librarian currently single and defiantly of the female persuasion. Safe to say no I don't own iCarly or anything you recognize from his creative genius.

Chapter 6 iPlan a Grand Finale

I stood there for what felt like forever completely speechless and looking like an idiot; my mind racing through thoughts. _Okay um I'll give her ham that should help! No this is big, ham will only soften her up to Carly. That's a start though. I really should do my best to prevent Carly and Sam from no longer being friends. I mean, I'm a goner. Sam's got that no effing way are you ever going to be forgiven look on her face. Only it's like 10 times more serious._

I reached into my pocket and handed her the package of ham. Her look no longer was directed at both of us, now it was merely directed at me. Carly pulled out a piece of ham too.

"What? I always keep emergency ham on me. Never know when I'm gonna need to prevent you from making it so therapy won't even help for those poor geeks." Carly explained. I mean I always had ham on me but Carly doesn't normally carry food around with her.

"You were planning on telling her!"

"Nooooooo…" Carly tried to lie, looking at her shoes, her locker, anything but me.

"Carly we're both horrible liars. You were going to tell her without telling me first!"

"Okay fine I was but only because the guilt was starting to eat me up!"

"I can't believe you wouldn't tell me! That is so-"

"HEY! I believe I asked you a question!" Sam interrupted. Now she only looked a little irritated with Carly. I figured if she knew Carly was going to tell her she wouldn't be to mad at her anymore. I was probably in more trouble but the only way I could get Sam back was if Carly could convince her to at least consider it.

"Okay. Should I tell you the whole story or just the why?" I didn't know which one was better to do. If I just told her why Carly looked better but if I told the whole story Carly looked a little worse. My chances would become even smaller too.

"Tell her the whole story. No short handing it to look better. Sam would see through that."

"It was about a month before you enlisted Carly's help or more importantly Carly manipulated us. I was filled with conflicting emotions. One second I'd be thinking how pretty Carly's hair looked in the sunlight and the next I'd be completely lost in the way your eyes sparkled as you beat me with a tennis racket. I was pretty sure I liked you but I thought I was in love with Carly."

"How is this part of the story?"

"I'm getting to it. After I weighed the pros and cons listed all the reasons why I shouldn't like you (which didn't work, only made me like you more) I decided to just tell Carly. Carly would know what to do. She said that I would never be able to go out with you and be totally sure about it until any thoughts of Carly and me were completely gone from my head. So she said we could go out on one date to show how wrong we were for each other." Carly nodded her head and looked remorseful as I told my tale.

"I now know that I was completely wrong for not telling you. It's just that I knew you and Freddie were meant to be and I was thinking about the Shane situation and how crazy competitive we got. Please forgive me?" Carly rambled pleading with Sam.

"Of course I forgive you." They hugged. They were about to walk away gushing about how much their friendship meant and how no guy could come between them when I realized I didn't finish.

"Hey I didn't finish!" They stopped and turned back around. Well okay Carly stopped and forced Sam to turn around and listen. "When we went out it was so awkward, I felt like I was on a date with my sister. I couldn't even kiss her."

"We both decided before we went out not to tell you. Actually Carly decided and I just went along with it. After we had gone out Carly wanted to tell you but I knew that you would feel betrayed and think that we thought we couldn't trust you. But that's not true. Carly just didn't want the Shane thing to repeat so we agreed not to tell you. I'm sorry and I know you won't be able to forgive me for some time."

"That's right!"

"I just didn't want to hurt you and that's the only reason I swear! I'll do anything you want to prove it! Anything!" I was begging. I even got down on my hands and knees. Normally Sam would smirk and make me keep begging till she had enough.

"There's nothing I want you to do. You hurt me and you can't take it back. Good bye." _I'm in some deep shit right now._

That day wasn't black and terrible because she was at her most cruel to others. It was black and terrible because she didn't talk or interact with me at all. I stopped existing. I knew that if Sam hurt me it meant she still cared and there was a chance of her forgiving me. I had to come up with a way to get her back.

So the rest of the day I tried to think of what Sam loved most. She loved getting me in trouble, ham and making people miserable. Okay what can I do to incorporate the whole thing together for Sam? Obviously a prank would have to happen. I'd have to get Sam a court side seat with an assortment of meat. I'm thinking I'll have to get in trouble with the Principle, Ms. Briggs and Mr. Howard.

I was sitting in the AV Club after school when suddenly it came to me. Sam was mad at the AV Club too. I could have girls score the whole entire AV club on their looks and their chances of getting girls excluding Shane of course. I'd have to think of something else for him. I could black mail the whole AV Club into doing something to Principle Franklin, Ms. Briggs and Mr. Howard.

What exactly though? It has to be in front of the whole school. During that Assembly the AV Club is helping out with. I'm actually in charge of organizing it. What is the most horrible thing for 3 grown ups to see that will make the whole school laugh and embarrass the AV Club? I could get the most embarrassing baby pictures of the whole AV Club including me and put them next to the final rating of every one according to the girls. Then put it in the power point right in-between the lecture on bullying and peer pressure slides.

Then just like that I got it. What I would make the AV club do and what Sam would see. I'd put an assortments of meat on a buffet table right in front of the first row. Sam can't resist meat. She'll sit there and not let any one eat any of it there fore putting her in a loving mood. Do the power point presentation then when the AV Club is being thanked for their help with the whole thing, the grand finale is put into action.

So I told the whole AV Club right then and there about the grand finale leaving out any information about the baby pictures and permanent emotional scarring they'd soon face. Telling them I'd take full blame and sacrifice myself to the principle and make sure they only get detention.

They were surprisingly compliant seeing as how I was just dumped and the black mail worked. I think Sam might have defiantly been rubbing off on me. Then again the other day she showed up on time for class so I think I had been too. Now I just had to get all this together by Friday.

AN: Okay so I know not a lot of action but the next chapter will either be how he goes about doing it or Friday itself. So you just have to wait one or two more chapters before she forgives him. It might not seem like something big but it's big for Freddie. Plus chaos will ensue so it'll be a good time for Sam. Now I just want you to know that I really wanted to write this a whole lot funnier. I guess I'm just not in a funny mood. It'll get funny fast though.

So thanks for reading my not so funny chapter. I kind of think that this one couldn't be to funny though. I had to set the next chapter up. The next one or two chapters are going to be so funny you'll fall of your chair laughing though. As long as you have a strong imagination and I can paint a vivid enough picture. Review please I need to know if you guys are mad at me or not. I also would like to know if you're cool with it being a not so funny right now. so please review please!

I'm Outtie!

unicornsrock5


	7. iPull A Prank For Sam

an: This author is so ashamed she sticking her head in the sand like an ostrich. I have no excuses just apologies and the hopes of a very long very funny chapter for you guys. I know you probably forgot about me but that's okay I deserve it. I've decided that this chapter is dedicated to any one who is mad at me. Hi angry mob. Spare my fingers to type. You've waited long enough so I'll just give a quick recap of were we are and get on with the story.

Recap: Okay Sam found out about the AV club point system and a date that Carly and Freddie went on before Freddie and Sam became a couple. Freddie has devised a plan to get Sam back because she's really mad at him. Here it is.

Disclaimer: I am undeserving of the greatness that is iCarly. Besides if I owned it I wouldn't be able to hopefully someday be on the show. Being one of Spencer's girlfriends would so rock...

Chapter 7 iPull A Prank For Sam

I spent the rest of Terrifying Tormented Terrible Thursday handing out a small packet that had a table on it to girls. The first column was entitled picture in it was a picture of each member of the AV Club. The next column said Names and then had the names of the guy who's picture was in front. The next four columns you had to fill in apart from the first row.

The third column asked the survey taker to rate the boy from a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the ugliest and `10 being hottest. The forth column instructed them say what chance each had on scoring a date with them using percents. In a stroke of inspiration I added

two more columns. One was were you would list the age the boy would get when he got his first kiss. The other was for how likely they would get their um... as Sam says v-card swiped before dying using percents again.

During lunch I called their moms and persuaded them to email me their most embarrassing baby pictures. I told the moms about the whole Sam thing. They were just so shocked that their sons had a friend who had had a real living breathing girlfriend that was not virtual or consisted of an online relationship that they agreed to it. Some of them said they hoped that my situation would be a catalyst and get their dearly loved sons a date too. If they didn't know how to use email I agreed to come over after school and pick it up myself.

I spent my whole afternoon picking up pictures (I think the moms just wanted to make sure I existed and that they weren't being delusional.) I spent the whole night working on that power point. In another stroke of genius I decided that I would have Shane filming the whole thing. I would later edit together only the embarrassing parts and post it on iCarly. Sam would enjoy that. I had a feeling it would quickly become her most watched video.

I know I was supposed to think of something else to humiliate Shane but I just couldn't. I mean it is kinda in a way my fault that hey feel down that elevator shaft. If I hadn't have introduced him to the girls it never would have happened. I think that poor boy doesn't need to suffer any more because of a fight Sam's in with one of her friends. That already happened once and I think Sam would agree that it isn't necessary to occur again.

I mean he is helping me out with this. I told him the whole plan and he was down with it. He even went out and bought all the meat for me. I mean I payed for it but it was still a time saver, and mom doesn't like having processed meat in the house so I had to find some place to store it. Boy was I glad to have Shane on my side.

The next day became known as Fredwhipped's Famous Flashing Foolproof Fortuitous Friday. What? Don't give me that look! Fine it became known as Fredwhipped's Famous Flashing Friday. I personally call it Fredwhipped's Famous Flashing Foolproof Fortuitous Friday because that's what it seemed like to me personally. I mean my plan was fool proof and it sure did turn out fortuitous, for me.

Not so much for the FUNOHUDAG - Feminist United No One Holds Us Down Activist Group at school. They really should look into getting a shorter name. I mean they absolutely hate it when you call them Funo Hudag, They practically start a riot each time. I mean I'm all for equal rights but seriously they need to chill.

Sorry, anyway the morning started out just like how Terrifying Tormented Terrible Thursday ended. Sam not talking to me, me begging and pleading with Sam. Her tormenting her list. Carly and Sam still just as tight as ever maybe more so.

Carly hadn't been able to plead my case until today. Carly didn't want to risk it with her and Sam yesterday. Now that she knows her and Sam are rock solid and probably closer than before she feels safer doing so. I asked her not to say anything until the assembly though. When Sam is in a loving mood and all with the food and the scaring for life of the AV club.

At 10 every one was called into the auditorium for the assembly. The whole school was there. In fact since the middle school wouldn't fit into the auditorium with the high school it was requested that it be filmed and broadcasted to the Gym were the middle school was to assemble.

It was original only intended for just the high school. I was elated when I heard that there would be more people. Sam would enjoy it all the more. Once every one was seated and the walkie-talkie confirmed that the middle schoolers could see and were seated I was up. It was my job to quite everyone down and introduce Principle Franklin.

He would be explaining what the assembly was about and introduce Ms. Briggs. Ms. Briggs would then talk about bullying and how the schools policy was changing. Then she would introduce Mr. Howard and he would talk about Peer Pressure. Mr. Howard would then hand the mic back over to me and I would field a Q & A session for Mr. Howard and Ms. Briggs on their respective topics. We would then switch the laptop from the power point to an open chat that was connected to the computer in the gym so that the middle schoolers could send in their questions.

Once all the questions were answered I would then hand the mic back over to Principle Franklin and he would thank the AV club after summoning them all on stage and then dismiss everyone back to their classes. Or at least thats what was planned originally. I made a few slight adjustments. For example I dedicated the assembly to a Ms. Her Supreme Galactic Ruler Of The Universe And All Things Beyond And Ham. Sam just rolled her eyes at that.

Sure everything went as expected until the end of the anti-bullying powerpoint. Ms. Briggs talked about how it was unacceptable then mentioned how Sam would be punished more. Sam ate her meat. The rest of the student body just texted their friends and pretended to pay attention.

Now what was supposed to happen next was a hand out of the power point was to be passed out by the AV club. Well, the only part of the power point that made it into those packets was the first page. After that was the AV clubs ratings. The first page of Mr. Howard's Power point and a few of the following pages too had miraculously become the very same pages the students were currently viewing. The AV club was humiliated and Sam just laughed.

The very first slide of the power point wasn't the ratings. It just said: GET READY TO REGRET THAT GIRL POINT SYSTEM AV CLUB! LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE BEING TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT! YOU KNOW THEIR IS MORE TO A GIRL THAN HER BODY! A GIRL HAS BRAINS AND FEELINGS AND SHE DOES NOT LIKE BEING OBJECTIFIED! IT'S NOT VERY NICE! GIRL'S ARE SO NOT PUT ON THIS EARTH JUST FOR A MALES SEXUAL PLEASURE! IT IS VERY RUDE OF YOU TO ASSUME SO! IT JUST MAKES ME SO ANGRY! SO VERY, VERY ANGRY! I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SMART! YOUR BEHAVING LIKE NEANDERTHALS! YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU GOT COMING! REVENGE IS SWEET!

Maybe I shouldn't have let Carly do that slide. I mean I knew she was mad at me about that but she makes me sound like a girl and I was going to take the blame for that. I'm thinking that might not be such a good idea.

The very last slide before Mr. Howard's intended first slide also didn't have any ratings. It just said the AV club would like to formally apologize about the girl point system and say that it is no longer in existence. (So what, I lied about the AV club abolishing the point system but what Sam didn't know wouldn't hurt her.)

Once everyone stopped laughing I took the mike from Mr. Howard and said, "So um I just want to say that I have no clue how the other slides got on there. I wanted to slip this in between the Ms. Briggs and Mr. Howard's power points to formally apologize. I'd like to say on behalf of the AV club that what this slide states is true and you know we are so not Neanderthals. Our combined IQ is very impressive even though we have Gibby in our midsts! I think that a short and simple Get ready to regret that girl point system AV Club! Revenge is Sweet! would have worked just fine too. I'm just saying."

I handed the mike back to Mr. Howard and turned to Principle Franklin to convince him it was not my fault. "Principle Franklin I have no idea how that got in there. I just wanted to apologize because the point system could be misconstrued as sexual harassment and that would be a very bad thing!"

"Freddie, don't worry I'm sure it was one of our Funo Hudag overly enthusiastic pupils. Don't worry they won't get in trouble they were just trying to make a point and prevent sexism. They're just excited to actually have something to protest about because we have a very strict policy on sexism and are very firm in our stand that every one is equal. However if you don't put an end to this point system thing you could get in trouble." Principle Franklin reassured me.

I told him not to worry and the assembly continued on as expected. Until the very, very end. Now the original grand finale wasn't all that grand. I mean it wasn't really a finale at all. It was just a bunch of nerds standing on a stage wishing they would get an applause for all their hard work as everyone tried to get out of the auditorium as fast as they could. Principle Franklin would yell at everyone to sit back down and then force them to leave row by row.

Boring standard every day average assembly ending. However my modified version was very grand indeed. It was the pinnacle of amazing ways to end school assemblies. It would have Sam laughing her butt off and get me most likely suspended and in trouble with my mom. (Another thing Sam liked) Now my modified version was exactly what it would take to get Sam back.

Principle Franklin called the whole AV club (excluding camera man Shane) up to the stage and apologized to them for the uh ... feminist movement that took place earlier. The AV club just glared at me. They all kinda just mumbled something like I'm sorry, don't want to do this and stupid Freddie.

"NOW" I shouted giving the signal and then what Sam would later describe as one of the most incredible things she's every seen happened. We all turned around so our backs were facing everyone included all authority figures and proceeded to pull down our pants and moon every one. Written on our pasty white buts was the sentence I'm Sorry Sam. Then we kinda quickly pulled up our pants and they all ran.

I however turned around to face the music. Well, and to see Sam's face. Just wanna say she was on the floor laughing. Carly nodded her head, and smiled. Seems as if Sam had forgiven me. I didn't get suspended. Principle Franklin figured out that I was just trying to get Sam back and he thought I was a good influence. He only gave me detention but Mr. Howard and Ms. Briggs were another story.

They gave me so much homework I didn't think that I would be able to sleep for at least week. Sam didn't even wait for the assembly to finish. She hoped up on stage once she could stand again and just kissed me. "You're forgiven."

"Thank god! I would have had them spell Her Supreme Galactic Ruler Of The Universe And All Things Beyond And Ham but the AV club really doesn't have enough members for that." We started walking off stage.

"I figured that much out. You let Carly do the revenge slide didn't you." She stated more than asked as she hooked her pinky with mine.

"Of course, I figured talking to any other girl but Carly was a bad idea." I looked at her to confirm that I had taken the right course of action.

Sam nodded her head. "Why every girl knows you don't flirt with Sam's property. Which you know I feel is important for you to understand that is what you are." She gave me a very pointed look.

"Wouldn't want to be anyone else's."

"Now would be a good time to tell me an other secrets, I probably wouldn't dump you for them."

I thought for a moment. I know you really do have a twin, my mom approves of our relationship, Rip off Rodney held a bet on how long it would take us to get together, I love you and Spencer and Carly both placed bets. Thats it I think." I nodded my head and searched my brain. "Nope, Spencer won. Now that's it."

Sam froze, "Well Rip off Rodney just made my list. Crazy approves? Did not see that one coming. Spencer winning is also a bit of a shocker. Good for him though. What he use the money for? Don't get mushy on me mister. We have a code phrase for that. It's I hate you."

"You know when he brought home all that ham? Well that's what he spent most of his money on and he bought me some tech equipment for the show. I know I was totally floored when my mom approved. I take it our next target is Rip off Rodney? We could crazy glue his locker shut so that he can't access his merchandise. After you know stealing it all and selling it for a reasonable price."

"I like it, that'll work for now. When he opens it all he'll see is a note, a very mean note one that makes him shake in his pants. So who's Ted pinning the AV Club ratings on?"

"Principle Franklin thought it was an excessively zealous Feminist United No One Can Hold Us Down Activist Group."

"Carly was thinking about joining that club."

"Really?"

"Yeah but their first club meeting was to throw away all the make up they had with them and Carly couldn't part with her new lip gloss"

"Pina colada flavored? She was so excited when she found it. I mean that was all she could talk about for a week."

"Yeah, she insists it was practically impossible to find. I've decided that you have graduated from prank assistee to amateur pranker with great execution and skill at not getting in trouble."

"Wow Sam, that's just, wow I am truly honored." We had reached the door. I opened it for her and did a little bow.

"Yeah don't get to comfortable. One bad idea and your back to assistee. You do know your my slave for the next 2 weeks." She walked through the door expecting me to follow.

"Of course, wouldn't expect anything else." I followed Sam out the door. We cut class for the rest of the day as we planned Rodney's demise.

An: What do you think. Be brutally honest. I think it could have been better but it's my fault I haven't written in so long. But it is pretty long. I wanted to make it longer though but I didn't want to ruin what I had. I'm gonna reread it now and see if i can't add some stuff in. I just wanted to add that I am a bit of a feminist myself and I find the AV club point system a bit demeaning but absolutely hilarious. Because I could just see it consisting of things like bumping into each other or eyes meeting across a hallway for 2 seconds, or you know a head nod getting like 10 points and an actual physical contact like fingers brushing as you hand something out like 50 points.

I should totally do a one shot making a list of the AV clubs point system. It would be priceless. If anyone has something they'd like to see making the list please do PM or tell me via review I wouldn't mind. So I made it longer and I'm happier. It's about 6 pages. I know not as long as most peoples but pretty good for me. So I could just apologize a million times or mentally send out a million apologies hoping you get them. I'm gonna go with the mental one. So I'm sending them Now! Did you get them?

Please review please review please review. It would be nice to know I'm not completely forgotten!

I'm Outtie!

unicornsrock5

AN2: I love you guys all and I really do hate not updating I really want to finish this story to prove I'm not lazy and that I can do more than one story!


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